Palantir XP

From a thread titled "Palantir '98?" in rec.arts.books.tolkien by O. Sharp in November 1998, and a thread in alt.fan.tolkien titled "MS Windows and the LoTR Movie" in July 2001. The final item, 'Palantir XP', was originally posted in alt.fan.tolkien in October 2000.
[ Bluescreened Palantir ] Analogies among operating systems such as Microsoft Windows and other things have been around for at least as long as Windows itself; think of `FOOTOS', the `How to Shoot Yourself in The Foot' list of programming languages, `If cars were designed like computers', and similar compilations. An old favourite is The Truth about Windows 95, a theory that I fear explains a lot about Windows. Of course, the Tolkien newsgroups have produced their own takes on this, and one of them led into speculations about the Palantiri. (The thread about peoples' favourite Tolkien references that this one originated from also sparked a discussion about Schrödinger's Cat, but, well, what can you expect...)



In the parental thread someone waxed lyrical about what you can do with a Palantir:
And the fact that you have unlimited storage capability, and your zoom lens can infinitely magnify images and
view things beyond the horizon, and you could share thoughts with other people. It's like a super-spy-
satellite/telepathic/teleconferencing device with a memory containing EVERYTHING!



Posted by O. Sharp <ohh@netcom.com>:

GordonLew (gordonlew@aol.com) asks of the Palantiri:

: That sounds good, but what is the Warranty and service contract like? And
: no matter what, I bet Microsoft provides the operating system. Ycchh. 

Well, just for the sake of stirring things up: is this last statement 
plausible? :)

...Arguments AGAINST the Palantir being a Microsoft[tm] product:
  1. The moral authority to use it came from the heirs of Elendil. If it were a Microsoft product, doubtless the authority to use it would have come from either Morgoth, Sauron, or their respective lawyers.
  2. By all accounts, the Palantiri were useful.
  3. By all accounts, the Palantiri actually _worked_.
...Arguments in FAVOR of the Palantir being a Microsoft[tm] product:
  1. Denethor used a Palantir for an extended period of time, went crazy, and killed himself. :)
Another argument in favour of the Palantir being a Microsoft[tm] product came from GordonLew: Denethor's Palantir froze up afterwards, only showing his burning hands, and couldn't be reset; that sounds like an MS product to me.


The discussion ended here, but later on, in an alt.fan.tolkien thread about the 
FotR film and what it would have looked like if it had been made using Windows, it was 
suggested that Palantir users might experience compatibility problems in Windows XP.

It started when Meneldil <meneldil@my-deja.com> posted the following:

[A modified version of a very old slashdot post]

As you know, it's been announced that the graphics for the LoTR movies
will be rendered by machines running Linux. Here're some thoughts on
what the movie would have looked like had they used Windows:

The following additions, questions and suggestions came from admin 
<dpsmith44@hotmail.com>, Laurie Forbes <rforbes1@maine.rr.com>, 
Anthony Steven <anthony@traintheworld.com.getrid>, kiltedjedi@my-deja.com 
<kiltedjedi@my-deja.com>, Scooter <joh3092@newsguy.com>, anon 
<anon@nowhere.com> and Donald Shepherd <donald_shepherd@hotmail.com>:

But wouldn't Sauron just have made another ring that was more powerful and a
lot more secure (I think the 9 rings given to Men were just upgrades until the ONE)?

Then would the Three be "release candidates" or "utilities"?

And wasn't Saruman working on his own Service Pack?

But that voided his warranty, making him guilty of piracy, so Mordor 
arrested him and seized all ring-making equipment.

Or, Frodo would be arrested for Ring Piracy for not returning it to the
licensed user. One A. Sauron, 1 Defiled Place, Barad-Uhr, Morgul.

Other possibilities:


Originally posted by Meneldil <meneldil@my-deja.com>:

'The palantir glowed softly, and Saruman knew he was summoned by Sauron
for audience. "Behold, Grima", he said "look now into the palantir,
and see the One Eye of Sauron. Look, and tremble, as you see the awful
power of the Eye!" And, laughing terribly even as Wormtongue twisted
and struggled, Saruman forced Wormtongue's face to the palantir.

'Wormtongue saw what was shown in the palantir and his face grew pale
as he said "Cor, why's his eye all blue?"

'"Blue?" thundered Saruman. "What do you mean blue?"

'"It's blue, I say" insisted Wormtongue, "And there's some funny
writing on it, like 'A fatal exception has occured at segment
0987B2:CA9021'"

'Saruman thrust Wormtongue aside and looked into the palantir.
Quickly, he arose, and his anger was terrible to behold as his voice
waxed forth in wrath, "Flames of bloody Udun. Which Mordor-accursed
idiot decided that the palantirs would run on Windows XP Home?"'

- The History of Middle Earth, Vol. XXV
"Microsoft in Middle Earth" (e-text version)

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