How To Make a Troll Pudding By: Öjevind Lång
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Take 400 grammes of Troll meat, preferably from a middle-class Troll;
all culinary experts agree that this meat is much more tender than the tough, stringy meat of working-class trolls and juicier than the anemic flesh of upper-class Trolls. Chop it into small pieces. Melt it over a slow fire until it begins to reek. Strain it over a plate and let it set. Then chop it into mincemeat. Mix it with small cubes of Orc bread. Add wolf cream and whip the mixture furiously until it has become a firm paste of a greyish-brown colour. Add some Morgul currants and mix the mass with the beaten yolk of a Nazgûl mount egg. Pour it all into a greased, breadcrumbed ovenproof dish. Let it bake in the oven for about 50 minutes. When pulling the dish out of the oven, remember to wear a mask. Serve it with flaming sauce. Feed it to the cat, if you are a cat-hater; otherwise, let the Balrog have it. Öjevind |
Of course, pudding doth not make a dinner, so it is only natural that people made suggestions about
the rest of the meal....
So what's for the main course on Christmas Day?
- Dwimmerlaik a l'Orange [feeds 133 persons]?
- Stuffed Warg's Head and Orc Sweetmeats?
- Roast Buttock of Variag?
- Cajun Fried Barrow Wight?
- Braised Olog-Hai au Jus?
- Uruk Eomer (cf. Beef Wellington)?
- Shelob Surprise
and, of course
the traditional Herbs and Stewed Rabbit and Nice Fishes without Nasssty Chips.
P.S.: Say, what wine goes with Nazgul?
Retsina, is my guess. - Öjevind
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