DWARVES
to the tune of WAR by Barret Strong, Norman Whitfield, and Edwin Star
performed by Bruce Springsteen
as sung by Azog, Orc-Lord of Moria

Thursday, August 3, 2000 by William H. Hsu

(I originally conceived of this as a song by Thranduil and Celeborn,
 but Ojevind's pro-Dwarf thread convinced my otherwise.)

Dwarves!
What are they good for?  Absolutely nothing!
Yeow!
Dwarves!
What are they good for?  Absolutely nothing!

Dwarves are people that I despise
For they seek the ending of all goblin lives
For they seek blood to satisfy Dwarvish pride
You can hardly tell their husbands from their wives

Dwarves!
What are they good for?  Absolutely nothing!
Ya-hoi!
Thror!
What is he good for?  Absolutely nothing!

Dwarves...
They dig up trouble where they delve
Dwarves!
Friends only to their own greedy selves [*]
Dwarves are the enemy we like to hew
So if you're a Dwarf we'll dismember you!
Handed down from generation to generation
Destruction instructions...
They've got to die!

Dwarves!
What are they good for?  Absolutely nothing!
Say it again!
Dwarves!
What are they good for?  Absolutely nothing!

Dwarves have shattered many young Orcs' bones
Smashed in their skulls like a hammer on stones
Life is too long not to be fighting Dwarves each day
Dwarves won't give ground if we can't take it away

Dwarves...
They dig up trouble where they delve
Dwarves!
Friends only to their own stunted selves [*]
Peace, love, and understanding
There ain't no place in our hearts for these
I say we must fight for our survival
'Cause Dwarvish axes aren't for choppin' trees
Kill alla dem
Dwarves!

Dwarves!
What are they good for?  Absolutely nothing!

Dwarves!
What are they good for?  Absolutely nothing!

(FADE)


[*] aficionados of the "Elf/Dwarf race relations" controversies
(read: trolls) may substitute "Friends only to those accursed Elves"