WHEN I'M ELEVENTY-FOUR to the tune of WHEN I'M SIXTY-FOUR by John Lennon and Paul McCartney Performed by The Beatles (As sung by Faramir, Prince of Ithilien, Peregrin Took, Thain of The Shire, and Meriadoc, Master of Buckland, to the newly crowned King Elessar) Sat 29 Dec 2001 by William H. Hsu [This was originally a duet between Faramir and Frodo, and when it became obvious that that wouldn't work, I made it a counterpoint between Faramir and Pippin. The lyrics just wrote Merry into the picture automagically.] PIPPIN: When I get older, losing my hair, Even on my feet Will you still be calling me to Evendim? FARAMIR: For a mission, or on a whim? If I've gone witless, just like the old Lords of Numenor PIPPIN AND MERRY: Would you still write me Would you still knight me When I'm eleventy-four? You'll be older too And if you send for me I'll come stay with you PIPPIN: I could be handy, fetching your keys Underneath the throne You can always spot me through a Palantir FARAMIR: (Though there's two *he'll* never go near!) Scouring Ithilien, hunting for orcs [*], What are vassals for? PIPPIN AND FARAMIR: Will you still mail me Will you still hail me When I'm eleventy-four? PIPPIN: Every decade we can skirt the Forest And the barrow wights, if the coast is clear PIPPIN AND MERRY: We shall bow and scrape Down upon bended knee While folks gawk and gape! PIPPIN: Send me a missive, drop me a line, Is all well, milord? Tell me how it's going down in Tirith-town FARAMIR: Yours sincerely, peer of the crown Give me your answer, King of the New Arnor and Gondor! PIPPIN AND MERRY: Will you demand me Could you still stand me When I'm eleventy-four? [*] Aficionados of the film may feel free to substitute "some orc"